Showerheads! That was the problem again and again and again. In Gdansk, in Berlin, then again in Gdansk, in Olsztyn, and once again in Gdansk. The showerheads were never the same, they were detachable, they were never properly mounted. Adding to that, the water pressure was uneven. Nothing was consistent in these European bathrooms. Every design was different. Bathrooms were a continual problem. Some places skimped on the toiletries, others tried to distract you with stylistic niceties, but the essentials were lacking. Form over function reigned supreme. The little things were overlooked. The towels were too small or too few. The toilet paper ran low and then ran out. Bathrooms are supposed to be a sacred space, but these greeted their patrons with contempt. Never mind worrying about holding onto your wallet, losing a passport, wrecking the rental car, or missing the train. The usual travails of travel were nothing when compared to the incredible array of minor irritations in the bathroom. And at the pinnacle of these problems were the showerheads.

Risky Proposition – A Shower in Poland
The Shoelace Solution – Nozzles & Hosels
Everybody has their thing. Those small eccentricities which are meaningless to someone else, but which we secretly hold dear to ourselves. Take for instance, my travel companion who was obsessed with the showerheads in our guest houses and hotels to the point that it preoccupied him. The annoyance grew with each new place. At our last two accommodations, the first thing he did after setting his suitcase down was to head straight for the bathroom to examine the showerhead. I could not help but laugh. The showerheads drove him absolutely nuts. I told him this and he agreed with me. At one point I was commandeered into an extended trek around a Gdansk shopping mall in search of the ultimate solution to all our showerhead problems. It was quite simple, all we needed was a pair of shoelaces. Finding and helping him purchase a pair of shoelaces was a moment of immense satisfaction for me. Mainly because I wanted to see just what kind of manic engineering he had in mind. He was certainly up to the challenge.
My friend somehow managed to rig up the shower apparatus to stay firmly in place by using shoelaces to keep the nozzle connected to the hosel (rhyme unintended). After he did this, I was informed that it would prove of great benefit to me as well. This act of benevolence was lost on me for two reasons. The first was that I had already taken a shower that day. Secondly, my idea of a good shower is one with running water. Soap, shampoo and even the most tepid flow of water are more than enough to satisfy my personal hygiene. When it comes to showerheads, we are exact opposites. This has its advantages. One of the reasons my friend and I travel so well together is that we complement each other psychologically and emotionally. Where he cares, I could care less. And when I am emotional, he is even tempered. That is unless it concerns a showerhead.
Tied in Knots – The Shoelace Solution
Habit Forming – Roadside Citadels & Freshly Baked Goods
To be fair, my friend’s mania for shower power is matched by own strange eccentricities. I am a creature of habit to the point that it is physically painful for me to not partake of at least a few repetitive practices while traveling. Because overseas travel is a major disruption to my normal routine, I am forced to compensate through a variety of methods. For example, I alleviate stress while driving by stopping at innumerable petrol stations. For reasons that escape me, I find these to be comforting. They are the highway version of provincial train stations. Everyone is headed somewhere else, an idea that fascinates me. Even the staff look as though they long to leave as soon as possible. A petrol station is a small slice of humanity in perpetual motion. Without ever mentioning this freeway fetish to my friend, I subjected him to endless stops and starts at these roadside citadels. The petrol stations were always there when I needed them. The neon signs, the dutiful clerks, the loitering travelers, the banal conversations, all appealed to me.
My most comforting travel habit in Eastern Europe involves going to get food first thing in the morning. I refuse to suffer a continental breakfast that involves watery orange juice, Danishes filled with mortar, coffee that causes the shakes, and death in a bun warmed over. Fortunately, there is a magnificent alternative, the bakery. I cannot tell you the amount of joy that bakeries on brisk mornings in northern Poland brought to me. The scent of freshly baked pastries, sweet rolls covered in a smattering of powdered sugar and other hot out of the oven delicacies are the culinary equivalent to an aphrodisiac for me. The dark side of this desire occurs when I do not get my hands on a bagful of freshly baked goods by eight a.m. I can barely conceal my anger.

Simply the Best – Baked Goods in Poland
The Eternal Wait – More Than A Mouthful
One morning in Olsztyn, I could not find a bakery open. This sent me on an impromptu tour of the city center as I dashed around every backstreet and alleyway. My hunger grew as my search became futile. After twenty minutes of walking in circles, I scented the wonderful aroma of baked goods wafting down the street. I had finally found an open bakery. There was only one problem. A line stretched out the door and down the street. I secured my place with no less than fifteen people in front of me. The wait was excruciating. Every couple of minutes another satisfied Pole would emerge from the bakery grasping a bag full of goodies. It did not take me long to go from envy to anger. By now it was past 8:30 a.m. and I still did not have my breakfast at hand. Of course, this was a first-world problem, but at that moment I could have cared less. I wanted my baked goods and would stubbornly stand on that sidewalk for an eternity to secure them.
After what seemed like forever, I was finally allowed inside to select a substantial proportion of Danishes and rolls. Marching back to the guest house, I could not have been happier or hungrier. I usually do not like to eat and walk at the same time, but I could not resist devouring several rolls along the way. When I arrived back at the room, my friend had already showered. His shoelace contraption must have worked rather well because he did not offer an opinion on the showerhead. Instead, he said “you sure were gone a long time.” I replied, “Yeah, I had trouble finding a bakery.” I was too busy stuffing my mouth full of rolls to say anything else. Showerheads and sustenance had saved us.
Coming soon: Buried Beneath – Digging Into The Fuhrerbunker (Northern Poland & Berlin #14)